Are you in an abusive relationship?

Sometimes it can be hard to think that abuse can happen to “someone like me.” And yet, domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, income, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, level of education, or age. Furthermore, anyone can be an abuser: some of the most respected people in communities have turned out to be batterers.

Abuse is not an anger control problem. Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to achieve domination and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including violence or threats of violence. But abuse is not just physical: one can also be abused emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and economically.

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, consider the following questions:

• When you argue or fight at home, what happens? Do you ever change your behavior because you are afraid of the consequences of a fight?
• Do you feel afraid of your partner?
• Has your partner or spouse ever hurt or threatened you or your children? Has your partner or spouse ever hit, pushed, or shoved you?
• Has your partner or spouse ever tried to keep you from taking medication you needed or from seeking medical help? Does your partner try to keep you from sleeping at night?
• Has your partner or spouse ever hurt or destroyed things that you care about, such as your pets, clothing, objects in your home, or other items that were special to you? Does your partner or spouse throw or break objects in the home or damage the home itself during arguments?
• Does your partner or spouse have to know where you are and what you are doing at all times? Does your partner try to control where you go, who you see, or what you wear?
• Does your partner act jealously, for example, always calling you at work or home to check up on you? Is it hard for you to maintain relationships with your friends, relatives, neighbors, or co-workers because your partner or spouse disapproves of, argues with, or criticizes them? Does your partner or spouse accuse you unjustly of flirting with others or having affairs? Has your partner or spouse ever tried to keep you from leaving the house?
• Has your spouse or partner ever forced you to have sex or made you do things during sex that make you feel uncomfortable? Does your partner demand sex when you are sick, tired, or sleeping?
• Has your spouse or partner ever used or threatened to use a weapon against you? Are there guns in your home?

These questions can help you start thinking about your relationship and how it makes you feel. There are many tactics of abuse, but the goal is generally the same: to control you.

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, we encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (TTY: 1-800-787-3224), or in Chicago: 877-633-6338 (TTY: 877-663-6339) and talk to a free and confidential advocate.

Remember, there’s no excuse for domestic violence. Abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault.

Adapted from:
ABA Commission on Domestic Violence
740 15th Street, NW, 9th Floor
Washington, D.C. 20005-1022

CAUTION! Your abuser can discover your internet activities!

Safety Planning